So, being bored and couch-bound while being glued to an episode of Criminal Minds on TV, I played the, “What can I Google on my Blackberry?” game. Apparently I always need to be multitasking or I feel “off.” I know this is not good, but whatever. Commercials annoy-slash-bore me.

Anyway. I Googled a girl I went through middle and high school with. She was my best friend for a few years, until she realized that being a blonde, size two brainy girl meant she could go places I couldn’t. (I’m not hating on her. Honest. I always kind of wondered why she’d bother spending time with me.) Anyway. I haven’t spoken to this girl since my high school graduation (six years ago).

She went off to OSU, I went off to OU. We talked online a lot my freshman year. Coincidentally, she was dating someone my roommate went to high school with. After that, not so much. I think we’re still friends on Facebook, but honestly it’s been so long since I’ve logged in there that I couldn’t tell you. I found her Twitter though. I love reading people’s Twitter accounts because the random thoughts are the funniest.

From what I can tell, she’s at least mildly successful. She lives in New England, I think with her boyfriend? She has a job. She has a place. She has friends.

Sometimes I think that I’ve completely wasted the last six years of my life. I loved college, don’t get me wrong. But I would have made different decisions had I known what I know now (of course). I would have made better use of my time. I would have studied and absorbed so much more than I did. I would have been more social and taken advantage of so many more opportunities.

I just want to feel like my life is worthwhile. I wish I actually liked my job. I wish I felt like it was something I could be proud of. I wish I was responsible with money (ha!). I wish I could get to work on time and get through a day and feel accomplished. Not just bored and dreading the next day. I want to take advantage of the overtime offered. I can work 50 hour weeks. What else am I going to do?

These are things I really want to work on. I want to feel like an adult. I still feel so lost sometimes and like I’ll never grow up. Someday I want an awesome job that I enjoy. I hope I can find that for myself.

So, yeah. Sometimes when I need to remind myself to grow up a little bit, I Google the friends I used to have.